I've now gotten you through the first (and in someways worst) part of things, and I think continuing on in a chronological day by day litany might get boring. Sometimes the days dragged and not much happened for me, so if they were boring then, over a month ago, they'll still be boring now.
I'll leave out some parts and maybe just share what sticks out in my mind.
One highlight actually happened on Monday, but it seemed like another whole day and didn't notice until I was looking back in my notes. (My memory is not quite as good as I had you all thinking it was.) Since I have it handy, I'll copy what I had written to Brian that evening.
Day 3 May 6, 2013
...It's so unreal to think my sweet sweet LOVE is unconscious in the ICU and you aren't just around the corner. I keep wanting to talk to you, tell you and ask you things and listen to your smooth as honey voice. Really miss you, BFF.
We let you rest this afternoon, and Chandra Urban came to sing and play guitar with us... I KNEW you would love to hear that. (She was out in the Lobby though, and I don't think you could hear where your room is.) It was SO peaceful and refreshing. You have an AWESOME haircut, Babe, and I love you so so much. You are loved by so many and prayed for by even more. xoxo
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not, as thou hast been thou forever wilt be.
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, BLESSINGS ALL MINE, WITH TEN THOUSAND BESIDE!
Great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed, thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me. <3
I have always loved that old Hymn and the words really resonated. How could anyone walk such a path without His own dear presence, cheering and guiding? Without friends and family encouraging and telling you ways He has provided strength for the day, hope for tomorrow in their lives? I can't imagine, and know that it was God alone Who gave me the courage and fortitude to keep on keeping on, doing what I needed to and what Elliot and Brian needed me to do.
I'm better friends with Chani's brother and his wife, but we're friends too. She had texted asking if she could come serenade and it was a beautiful gift. She has this full rich and beautiful voice that reach down to your toes and give you goosebumps. We sat in the Lobby and sang one worship song after hymn, and the music really did restore my soul. There was a guy waiting to go into the ICU to see someone, he was standing near the phone you have to use if the volunteers are gone and he stayed waiting the whole time, listening. Like I've said, people have such amazing gifts and are so creative with their giving. Thank you, Chani!
That night Brian's cousin Kirsten had written in his guestbook, "I can hear your voice singing along with us-because I know you would be." She hit the nail on the head, and I could hear him too.
The next morning I got a call from the hospital as I ate breakfast, and because of the call yesterday I answered with trepidation. Please Lord, not another surgery. Let it be good news!
And it was.
Please come sit with Brian, who is waking up and getting wiggly. So wiggly, in fact, they would need to restrain him if we weren't there to be with him. I didn't want him to wake up confused and restrained so I told Marisyl we'd be there as soon as we could. We again threw things together and raced to the hospital.
I think it was Sunday night that they had turned the sedation down. Brian had opened his eyes and the wide open panic in them was gut wrenching. I couldn't imagine waking up, intubated and not knowing where you are or what was happening. We tried talking to him, but then it got worse. He started throwing up, and we were asked to leave while the nurse tried to get the suction turned on and get the vomit out. He hadn't really been awake after, because the other time they tried to turn the sedation down his blood pressure had jumped and they turned it back on. But this was different! He was waking up!
Maybe he would talk to us today.
I spent most of the morning back with Brian, holding his hand and telling him where he was and that I was there. He squeezed my hand and his Mama's hand, which of course made her day- both of our days! He would open his eyes when we talked to him and it was so exciting. There was talk of getting the tube out, but those plans never materialized since he was still pretty sedated by 3. The trauma docs don't like to extubate too late in the day in case things go south and they need to reinsert.
We had a lot of company that day, people stopping in on their lunch breaks or if they were in the area and some of my dear girl friends. We had family supper that night in the waiting room, chef salad, which was delicious after all the fast food and snacks we'd been eating. (Thanks Elva!) Oh, and she even brought Gluten free Cupcakes: a true treat!
That evening, brother Matt and Liv got trapped back in Brian's room during shift change- no going in or out from 7-8pm, and when Liv came back she was all smiles. Brian was so interactive! Matt told him his feeding tube was mashed potatoes and Brian rolled his eyes. He then "begged" them to take the ventilator out, clasping his hands and imploring them with his eyes. I of course hurried back, hoping for something.
When I got to his room, he was more awake and using one finger for "yes" and two for "no" communicating very emphatically that he most certainly DID want that tube out. It was the same viking like night nurse, and she was so sweet in explaining that we should probably sedate him so he wasn't so frantic and frustrated and could rest. If he was up all night he would be too drowsy to get the tube out the next day when the trauma doctors would round. We could convince them at that time to extubate right then and there if his lungs were clear and he was able to prove he was awake enough to remember to breathe. Brian was so bummed to hear that, and he wouldn't even look at me (agreeing with Andy) but turned instead to his beloved big brother, again pleading with his hands and eyes. I'm guessing he thought I was no help and maybe Matt would knock me and Andy out and take it out himself? He's got a lot of faith in you, Matt.
I left shortly after Andy administered the Versed and Brian visibly relaxed and fell asleep.
I went home feeling down right giddy. We really were on the right track! It didn't matter what tomorrow would hold, or what had happened yesterday. Today had been a good day, and that was enough.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done Philippians 4:6